Blues Clues vs the Mafia
by Lee Harvey Oswald
Summary: A huge ridiculous gunfight that proves I have problems.


Steve was coming back from college and met with his brother Joe.

"Hey Steve, how did you get the money to go to college? Our family isn't exactly rich."

"Well Joe, I made meth in our basement! I thought you would have found that out by now. Also, it seems I made some bad investments with the Mafia, and know they are bringing everyone they got to destroy this place!"

"What the fuck! You wait to tell this to me now!"

"I wasn't thinking straight, I took a lot of drugs cause, you know, college."

Steve then reached into his side table drawer and pulled out a Beretta M9 with a blue paw print on it, along with his handy dandy notebook.

"I prepared, don't worry. Take the notebook. This will tell you where all the guns are. Get everyone ready!"

The drawer started to sing. Joe kneed its face and got to the kitchen.

"Mr. Salt! Mrs. Pepper! Get Paprika and Cinnamon somewhere safe. They're coming."

Joe got two revolvers, model 29 .44 magnums. He gave them to Salt and Pepper. He wondered how can Salt have sex with Pepper and give birth to Paprika and Cinnamon? That doesn't make sense! He went to Tickety Tock.

"You got good timing and aiming right? Take this PSG-1 Sniper rifle. It's semi-automatic."

He then went outside to Pail and Shovel.

"Pail, you will be throwing grenades, which Pail will hold. We would've gotten a Miklor Multiple Grenade Launcher, but you know, college."

Lastly, He went to blue and his friends;

Magenta, Periwinkle, Mint, Purple Kangaroo, Ruby, and Orange kitten, who was jewish. They all got various types of assault rifles, from ak's to m4's. Joe finally met up with Steven, who wore military camouflage that was green striped.

"Joe, take this machine gun, the m249, and go to the roof. I will take this USAS-12 combat shotgun."

Within an hour, the Mafia showed up. When they got out of their cars, Mailbox opened up. "MAC-10 MOTHERFUCKERS!" He fired his submachine gun at them, and the fight has begun.

Tickety Tock focused on her breathing, and counting her shots. 1, 2, 3, BAM! 1, 2, 3, BAM! Joe fired his Machine Gun, and Steven came from behind, firing his shotgun with a 20 round drum of shotgun shells to spare. Even with a superior weapon, his pistol had a blue paw print on it. One person got inside, when Slippery Soap got under his feet and he got his skull cracked on the side table drawer. Salt and Pepper fired at people coming from the back, repeating lines from Dirty Harry.

When It seemed the front was done, the back of the house got a huge wave. Shovel threw grenades out of Pail, felt friends pulled goons into the picture and slowly tortured them. When they were done, a helicopter came and launched a missile, blowing up the house. All that was left were Blue and friends hiding in the shed, a snail on a skateboard who has appeared two times earlier this episode, and Cinnamon, carrying his dead sister out of the wreckage. When Blue and friends came out, they shot at the helicopter, causing it to crash into themselves.

The mob boss came to the wreckage. He won! Then a blue paw print appeared on Steven's pistol. Before the mob boss could react, Steven reached for his M9. "You didn't find blues clue." Steven shot him, letting the recoil of the pistol push back the slide, ejecting a shell, cocking the pistol and letting a new bullet enter the chamber in slow motion. He took three more shots in super slow mo, probably to show off their CGI budget like the Matrix. He got up and walked to the wreckage of the house to find the Thinking Chair. He thought about what to write in his handy dandy notebook. When he saw blue coming out of the helicopter wreckage, blue came to Steven and jumped onto his lap, dieing with a paw print on his heart. It came to him what to write.

"If you asked me how I would want to spend my day, I would say, 'Oh, a little of this, a touch of that. Gunplay might be involved. Lots of danger. Sex, drugs, rock'n' roll, chips, dips, chains, whips.' But for all the evil the Mafia has committed, we all found our purpose. It was to educate people with an emmy award winning children's program. When that was over, we stopped the crime family that terrorized the lives of many for personal gain. I'd have not committed murder. Murder implies taking the life of an innocent. Murder was a sin; what I had to do was no sin; it was divine retribution. It was my God-given duty as an educator of the world's future to do this. I have kept my honor, and people will remember me for generations for how I helped the world." He took god-knows-what drug and went unconscious.

When he woke up, the insurance covered the damages and his house was livable. A parade was given, and he got a medal for honor (not a medal OF honor). At the age of 50, he committed honorable death, by sword impalement.


End file.
